An irate American Bob Willis

No. 5: WE Coyote
CCCCC (Canine Cartoon Characters Cricket Club, USA)

Wile E Coyote, the perennially peckish cartoon canine whose long-term rivalry with the avian speed merchant Road Runner resulted in compelling but patently one-sided contests reminiscent of Mike Atherton's tussles with Glenn McGrath, could, in the right circumstances, become a fine all-round cricketer.

Admittedly those circumstances include Coyote being a real cricketer rather than a fictional American cartoon character. Similarly Ian Botham could undoubtedly have been one of the great cartoon characters, had he been a fiction of an American TV executive's imagination rather than a certifiably real human cricketer. Upon such twists of fortune are sporting and showbiz legends forged and broken.

Given his background and experience, Coyote would unquestionably prove to be a resourceful cricketer. With piercing eyesight and an explosive (if potentially illegal) ACME thunderbat, he would be an inconsistent but potentially game-changing middle-order batsman. Thanks to his natural athleticism, honed through prolonged exertion in sapping desert conditions, he would have a priceless ability to bowl extended spells in hot weather, off a comically long, frenzied run-up. He could also be relied upon to remain literally animated in the field at all times. The intensity, competitiveness, determination and showmanship this remarkably enduring competitor has brought to the cartoon world over many years would transfer spectacularly to the cricketing arena and endear him to supporters across the world.

But perhaps Coyote's most marketable asset as a 21st-century cricketer would have been his quite formidable ability to recover quickly from apparently serious mishaps. Falling into a canyon from a clifftop several hundred metres above, or inadvertently blowing oneself up with a giant, malfunctioning firework, or catapulting oneself at breakneck speed into a large boulder would, for most professional cricketers, result at best in a career-threatening injury. Coyote however, like an irate Bob Willis, never fails to haul himself straight back into action. With today's merciless cricketing schedules, his physical resilience would be a priceless asset for any team.

Coyote's Machiavellian scheming, and willingness to pursue a grudge over several years, mark him out for a post-retirement career in the highest echelons of cricket administration

Perhaps Coyote would be too self-absorbed to be genuine captaincy material, and he would in any case suffer from a tendency to overcomplicate matters in the field - setting elaborate traps for batsmen rather than playing the percentages and patiently waiting to force an error. Nevertheless, his tactical ingenuity and almost Pietersenesque ability to concoct far-fetched solutions for the challenges posed by opponents and conditions could prove to be an invaluable asset in a leadership team. This might admittedly be offset by an almost Pietersenesque tendency to repeat the same costly mistakes over and over again.

Coyote's Machiavellian scheming, and willingness to pursue a vengeful grudge over several years, would seem to mark him out for a post-retirement career in the very highest echelons of cricket administration. However, he was often recklessly reliant on unproven technologies - such as rocket-powered roller skates, dehydrated boulders, and invisible paint - a habit that would be frowned upon by the BCCI. Furthermore, his brazen use of ACME triple-strength fortified leg-muscle vitamins in the classic 1956 episode "Stop! Look! And Hasten!" would ensure that he was always under the microscope of the anti-doping authorities.

One possible area of weakness could be his temperament. His vain attempts to ensnare the Road Runner produced an unending sequence of painful and dispiriting defeats, a cavalcade of failures viewed by most sage scholars as eerily reminiscent of Bangladesh's Test match history. Whether he would prove to be psychologically capable of breaking this cycle of defeat is open to question, but one cannot help but suspect that if surrounded by a high-quality team and supportive backroom and logistical staff, Coyote would become a formidable cricketer.

Andy Zaltzman is a stand-up comedian, a regular on BBC Radio 4, and a writer

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.